Area HSP's Nervous System Files Formal Grievance After Coworker Begins Eating Apple at Desk

The nervous system of local account manager Jennifer Okonkwo has filed a formal grievance with the National Labor Relations Board after a coworker began eating an apple at his desk at approximately 11:15 AM Tuesday.

"We tried to resolve this internally," said a spokesperson for Okonkwo's autonomic functions. "But when that first bite happened—that wet, percussive crunch—we had no choice but to escalate."

The coworker in question, marketing analyst Brad Pemberton, 31, reportedly retrieved the Honeycrisp apple from the office refrigerator and returned to his desk, located approximately eight feet from Okonkwo's workstation. He then began consuming it "without warning, without apology, and without any apparent awareness that sound travels," according to the filing.

"I don't understand the issue," Pemberton told reporters, juice visibly glistening on his chin. "It's just an apple."

At this point, three of Okonkwo's vertebrae audibly tensed.

The grievance, which spans 47 pages, details the neurological impact of each bite. Experts have categorized the sounds into three distinct phases:

The Initial Breach: The first bite, described in the document as "a starting pistol for a race no one wanted to run"
The Sustained Assault: Subsequent bites occurring at irregular intervals, making anticipation impossible and recovery nonexistent
The Structural Failure: The moment the apple becomes soft enough that each bite produces a "muffled, wet implosion" that the filing describes as "somehow worse"

Dr. Rebecca Chen, a neuroacoustic specialist at the University of Illinois, reviewed the case for the tribunal.

"What we're looking at is a textbook cascade failure," Dr. Chen explained, gesturing to a chart of Okonkwo's stress hormones. "The initial crunch triggered a cortisol spike. The chewing sounds activated the amygdala. By bite four, her entire nervous system had entered what we call 'high alert with no exit strategy.'"

When asked if Pemberton could have eaten the apple elsewhere—in a break room, outside, or in a soundproof chamber specifically designed for aggressive fruit consumption—he seemed confused by the question.

"I eat lunch at my desk every day," he said. "Everyone does."

"Not everyone does," responded every HSP within a six-cubicle radius, in unison, without looking up from their screens.

The grievance demands several remedial measures, including:

A designated "crunchy foods zone" no less than 200 feet from the nearest sensitive employee
Mandatory noise-awareness training for all staff
A formal written apology from Pemberton, to be read aloud in a soft, non-startling voice
Replacement of all apples in the office refrigerator with "quieter fruits, such as bananas, or ideally, nothing"

Pemberton's attorney has filed a countermotion arguing that his client has "a fundamental right to consume produce," and that Okonkwo could simply "put on headphones or something."

This suggestion was entered into evidence as Exhibit J: "Things People Say When They Don't Understand."

The case has drawn national attention, with HSPs across the country reporting similar incidents. A support group has formed on Reddit, where members share coping strategies and stories of survival.

"Last week, someone in my office ate an entire bag of baby carrots," wrote user @QuietPlease847. "I have not been the same since. I may never be the same."

Okonkwo herself has declined to comment publicly, as she is currently on medical leave recovering from what her doctors describe as "auditory hypervigilance with apple-specific triggers."

Her nervous system, however, released a brief statement: "We are simply asking for a workplace where the baseline expectation is not violence. Crisp, juicy, indifferent violence."

Pemberton, reached for follow-up comment, was unavailable. Sources indicate he had just opened a bag of chips.

At press time, Okonkwo's left eyelid had begun twitching and would not stop.