Local Developer Entering Eighth Year Of Building App That Will 'Definitely Launch Soon'
Friends and family describe the perpetually delayed project as 'coming along great,' though none have ever seen it.
AUSTIN, TX — Local software developer Marcus Chen, 34, announced this week that his revolutionary mobile application is "basically done" and will "definitely launch soon," marking the 2,847th consecutive day he has made this exact statement, sources confirmed Tuesday.
The app, which Chen began developing in 2017 as a "quick side project that should take about three months," has undergone seventeen complete rebuilds, four programming language migrations, and what Chen describes as "a few minor pivots" that have transformed it from a restaurant recommendation service to a meditation timer to its current form as a "hyper-local AI-powered community platform for people who appreciate good coffee."
"I'm really close this time," Chen told reporters from his home office, where three external monitors displayed what appeared to be the same login screen he demonstrated at a family gathering in 2019. "I just need to refactor the authentication module, redesign the onboarding flow, rebuild the backend to handle the scale I'm anticipating, and figure out what the app actually does. Then we're good to go."
Chen's mother, Patricia Chen, 62, confirmed she has received monthly updates about the app's imminent launch since the Obama administration.
"He showed me a very nice button once," Mrs. Chen recalled. "It was blue. I'm sure the rest of the app is just as lovely."
According to colleagues at Chen's day job—a position he has repeatedly described as "temporary" since 2018—the developer has rebuilt his app's navigation system fourteen times, each rebuild prompted by the release of a new UI framework he felt "more philosophically aligned with."
"Marcus once spent eight months choosing a font," reported coworker Jennifer Walsh, 29. "He had it narrowed down to two options. Then a third font was released and he had to start the evaluation process over from scratch. He built a custom A/B testing framework to analyze the fonts. The framework is beautiful. The app still uses the default system font."
Dr. Rebecca Martinez, professor of Software Development Psychology at a university that absolutely exists, said Chen's behavior is "clinically unremarkable" among developers with perfectionist tendencies.
"The app exists in a quantum state," Dr. Martinez explained. "It is simultaneously almost ready and completely unfinished. The developer believes—genuinely believes—that they are two weeks away from launch. They have believed this for seven years. They will continue to believe this until they die or accidentally click 'deploy' while reaching for their coffee."
Project management tools obtained by this publication reveal that Chen has created 3,247 tasks in his app's development backlog, of which 3,244 are marked "critical for launch." The remaining three tasks—"Add app icon," "Write description," and "Actually submit to app store"—have been moved to a separate list titled "Post-Launch Polish."
The app's GitHub repository shows 2,891 commits, with the most recent commit message reading "Fix typo in comment (will refactor comment system later)." The commit before that, from eleven months ago, reads "Final cleanup before launch."
Chen's roommate, David Park, 33, has reportedly learned to nod supportively whenever Chen mentions the app.
"I've lived with Marcus for four years," Park said. "I have never seen the app do anything except crash, display a loading spinner, or show a screen that says 'Coming Soon.' But every night he stays up until 3 AM working on it, and every morning he tells me about the breakthrough he's about to have. I believe him. I have to believe him. I've invested too much emotional energy in this app to accept that it may never exist."
Chen dismissed suggestions that perfectionism might be delaying the launch.
"I'm not a perfectionist," he insisted. "I just have very high standards. There's a difference. A perfectionist would never ship anything. I'm going to ship this app. I'm going to ship it so hard. I've already written the launch announcement blog post. I've revised it 340 times. It's almost ready."
When asked to demonstrate the app's core functionality, Chen spent forty-five minutes explaining the architecture diagram, then noted that the demo environment was "currently being migrated" and showed reporters a Figma mockup instead.
"This is basically what it looks like," Chen said, gesturing at static images. "Obviously, the real version has animations. I haven't built the animations yet, but I know exactly how I want them to feel. Smooth, but not too smooth. Responsive, but with intention. I've written seventeen pages of documentation about the animations. The documentation has its own version control."
Friends report that Chen has mass-purchased domain names for the app twelve times, each purchase reflecting a new vision for the product's identity. He currently owns 47 domains, including the original 2017 purchase of "RestaurantRadar.io" and the most recent acquisition, "CoffeeCommunityAI.app," which expires in fourteen days.
At press time, Chen was seen opening a new browser tab to research a JavaScript framework released that morning, muttering that it "might solve everything" and adding "Evaluate new framework" to his critical launch blocklist.